We are trying a new thing here and I’m going to do a little storytelling and context giving along with a piece of writing.
Because, why not.
In May 2024 I felt a shift.
A moment where the switch flipped and my vision and heart felt like they started to come back online.
There was a shift in focus - in biz, the way I approach life, personal goals, and just my overall outlook and perception. Read: this was a long time coming.
I found myself burnt out, managing “high-functioning” depression and endometriosis, in a living situation that was destroying my quality of life, not feeling fulfilled working in or on my business, and experiencing this overall sensation of stagnancy.
Transitions take time.
Change takes time.
I liken it to a metamorphosis.
There is a learning curve and a need to return to our values to determine the approach that fits the puzzle.
While it has taken over a year to begin to bring to fruition what I felt in that moment, there was a deep knowing that this is how I find and protect my own peace.
Since I can remember, one of my primary fears has been of my own capacity and light. What I am capable of doing, of holding space for, of providing for others. I know there is depth within, depth that hasn’t been explored, and depth which will ultimately be the lighthouse for those I work with. There is a gut knowing that I am nowhere near my ceiling, and I feel as if I have capped myself with my current reality or modus operandi. And there is also a voice inside that tells me I can’t hold it all together well enough to actually execute and make what I know is possible the reality.
On the flip side, I have always felt as if I was too much. Too edgy, emotional, aware, expressive. My brain would tell and convince me that people didn’t know how to handle me, that I’d always be the odd one out, and that this was something to be ashamed of. 2025 Sarah will say that it isn’t something to be ashamed of, rather this is a necessary part of my being. But, in earlier years, I didn’t understand coping mechanisms and when I needed one the most, restricting my food intake became the magic bullet. This began the roller-coaster of mental health experiences, at age 11. And at a very foundational level, it’s taught me to listen to my intuition (which I needed to first hear and then learn to trust) and to hold my own. Two lessons I am forever grateful for.
Throughout Spring and Summer 2024, I realized that I needed to hold space for ALL of that in order to move forward into building what I both knew that I needed to grow and also that I am the person for the task at hand.
“You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.”
- Amy Poehler
I think there is a lot of beauty in not knowing the exact next step. In having a sense, pausing, and allowing it to simmer. Letting things take time instead of forcing what isn’t yet meant to be birthed. Let it take form and allow yourself the space to fully embody what you are becoming and building.
I think if I had forced it in May 2024 it wouldn’t have taken the shape I was envisioning. Sure, it would have been something and perhaps eventually morphed its way into what I now have the ability to grow… but I like a slow simmer.
As I like to say, let it be frozen until it is ready to thaw.
And so,
There is a tenderness amidst the chaos.
What historically felt like a forcing to keep it all going,
has changed forms into a calmness and a sense of peace.
It is the knowing that not everything gets to come.The depths of burnout change you.
The rawness of depression changes you.
There is a loss of hope,
it still flickers from time to time,
sharing its presence.You wake up one day with the harsh reality that what once felt like curiosity and excitement, opportunity and adventure, now feels like a void.
It’s a black hole that you find yourself in,
unsure of exactly how you fell so deep,
but with the awareness that only you can find your way home.
I’m in a space now of remembering all of the ingredients which have been part of, and are part of this. Of knowing it is time. Of realizing that I’m not only ready but that I’m finding my way back home, creating my own peace, attuning myself to what matters, and slowing releasing what no longer is meant to have a seat at the table.
♥ xo, S
Love it! Hugs as always 💕💕!!